why didn't you poke me back
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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