Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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