her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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