all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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