somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Please, let me fuck your mom
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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