he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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