If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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