he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
