I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
