i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
