i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
