just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
