just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
