Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
