just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
