I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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