The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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