so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
