Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Never joke about your clitoris.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
