Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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