I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it glows. i had to have it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So squirting runs in the family.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
