he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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