maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
