he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
