I have demons in me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just found puke in my bra..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
