A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
