dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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