why didn't you poke me back
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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