Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
