The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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