hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
