I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
