In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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