she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
