so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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