He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
