Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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