My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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