i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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