we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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