cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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