i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
