oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
