Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
