i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
