i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have aggressive nipples.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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