so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
