I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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