i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
