i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
