So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
